When stirring through the creative juices in the ole cranium, I often find myself denied of bloggy ideas that are A.) Not too serious, and B.) Potentially ever so slightly entertaining. My mind is full of thoughts, don't get me wrong. It's just that I'm attempting to keep these light, quirky, and fun. Or, at least 1 out of 3. The problem is, I have more serious thoughts in there too. They often crowd out the good stuff (*arguably) that I bring to the blog table for your consideration.
For one thing, I have deep political views. And I could still go the less serious route of simply just poking fun, but political satire is still some pretty heavy stuff. I also don't want to alienate anyone. When I take over the world, I'll need every one of you to back me during the coup. Don't worry. I'll get you some nice comfy gigs, like Secretary of Steak or head of the Department of Flavor.
You already know about my ADHD by now. Besides ADHD, I've also got some anxiety and depression. Sure, I can "oh look, a squirrel" for cheap laughs all day long. But I don't want my anxiety to make anyone anxious. And I certainly don't want to depress anyone with the woes of my depression. Instead, I like to stick to more lighter fare. Like the battle of wills with those phantom itches. Where do they come from, anyway? I may even get around to my sneeze/orgasm comparison theories some day. Won't that be fun?
Which leads to the topic of sex. Lots of fodder there to work with, despite my rather unimpressive manhood (I call him "Little Richard), and my equally unimpressive go-to moves (2-pump chump is probably, on average, a bit too generous... more like 1.5 pump chump... not nearly as much of a ring to it though). My poor, deprived wife... I look nothing like James Marsden, much (I'm certain) to her dismay. And if I had his talent, I wouldn't be employed at a factory, workin' for "the man". But, I do my best.
While we're on the topic of employment (wasn't that convenient?), I'm not real happy at my job. I'm physically tired, my body is falling apart piece by piece. And I'm highly underappreciated and discarded. My brain is turning to mush from lack of use (autonomous human robots aren't paid to think). So there isn't much lighthearted fun to be discussed career-wise. Although, I'm developing tennis elbows (despite the fact that I only play tennis on the Wii), and recently discovered that I apparently have one grumpy, arthritic toe. I'm grateful it's not all the toes, mind you. One is plenty. But I do feel bad he doesn't have any other toes to talk to that can understand his pain. It must be a very lonely existence for him.
So, you see my conundrum. I'm a miserable bastard on the inside. I attempt to squelch (what a fun word!) it all down and try to put a smile and a giggle on everything. And, largely, I think I'm successful. Of course, it's all a facade. But don't you worry. It's a very strong muscle. Ma ma ma pokerface, ma ma pokerface!
Just because I'm dead inside, that doesn't mean we can't have some fun! I've got plenty to dissect and poke fun at without even getting out of bed. Which is good, because there are some mornings when convincing myself to get out of bed seems harder than convincing my kids that spiders are adorable, lovable creatures.
All in all, I'm pretty happy with the topics and subject matter that I've tackled. I've managed to skirt around the heavier stuff (mostly), and have some fun at my own expense. I hope you've enjoyed it so far. I'll try to keep it up. I may consider delving deep into some more serious stuff at some point, but I'll categorize that stuff differently and keep it separate from this more funner stuff. And if that don't suit you, you can stuff it!
Waiting for the sex blogs. Lol