So, what am I hoping to get out of this blog, you ask? Oh, you didn't ask? Well, that's alright. I'm sure you're curious though, right? Oh. Well. Ok. That's ok. But I'm writing this blog, so I can write whatever I want to write. If I just want to make up words for the hell of it, I will. You can't florgen stop me! There!
Sorry about that little outburst there. You got me all worked up. No... no, that's not exactly fair, is it? I got me all worked up. I'm only pretending this is a two-way conversation. You are innocent in this. I don't blame you. You didn't really have much choice in the matter after all. You're only reading the text on your screen. I apologize. Let's both take a deep breath, and start over.
Ok. I feel better. Do you feel better? Good. Now, where was I? Right. Thank you. I was going to explain, against your will, why I'm writing a blog now. Well, here it is: Because.
I always told myself I wouldn't be one of those parents who tell their kids "Because I said so, that's why!" And I've worked hard to remain true to that. Though sometimes it is soooooo hard... we won't go there right now. Point is, I'm not one of those parents. Pretty proud of myself for that. But my blog... now, here, I can do whatever I want. What's a good power trip if it's not ineffable? DO NOT QUESTION ME!!
Truth of the matter is (and, again, I don't owe you any explanation whatsoever), my brain is trying to climb out of my skull and escape. As I mentioned in my last post (which, incidentally, is also my first post), I work in a factory. My job, though it takes a lot of training to do what I do, is still pretty brainless after doing it for so long. I could build a snowmobile track in my sleep. So, I've taken to listening to podcasts and audiobooks while I work. Comedy, politics, science, science fiction, philosophy, biographies, psychology, aliens, news, gaming, etc. But, it's all someone else's vision. Other people's words. While I'm listening to their words, my brain is also actively running its own podcast at the same time. Often causing me to pause whatever I'm listening to, and back it up a few minutes to catch everything I missed while I was thinking about what a funny word "tube" is. Say it over and over out loud. Go ahead! After a while, it ceases to be a word and just becomes a funny sound your mouth makes. This applies to many words. "Word". Word word word word word word word word word... weird, right? Did you do it out loud? Gotta do it out loud. Preferably in the presence of others. That way I can have fun imagining the weird looks you get as you read my blog. Did you do it? Ok. Yeah, sure. I believe you (Can I do an eyeroll emoji in these blogs? I'll have to look into that.), I believe you...
I came to the realization (we're coming back from about 20 side trips there) that I have some interesting things to say. Well, it might be a stretch to use the word "interesting". You may disagree. But if you do, why the hell are you still reading this? So, I think, I gotcha. Whatever This Is, it's slightly interesting. I can say that with the confidence of one who believes nobody who'd disagree actually gets far enough to read this claim. So, there you go.
The problem is, I don't know what I have to talk about. Because, so far, much like the show, Seinfeld, this isn't really about much of anything. Not yet, anyway. I'm working on that. At some point, I'll have something important to say. Something poignant (you know, I don't think I've ever actually used that word before...). Something that will revolutionize the way you think and feel about the world. Or, at least the way you feel about this blog, anyway. I should start small. I'll change the world next week maybe. In the meantime, I promise to rack my brain (Is it rack? Wrack, maybe? What is the actual phrase?) to create some sort of theme for Whatever This Is. So far, the theme seems to be pointless rambling. That will only get me so far, I think. At this point, I believe I have 4 people reading this. Or at least pretending to. If I go on much like I have so far, I might grow my readership up to only 1 or 2 people reading it (or pretending to). Which, I suppose, isn't growth at all. But again, this is going to be a big hit, posthumously. Right now, just some die hard friends (or people pretending to be my friends). After I'm worm food, millions will be rummaging through these pointless ramblings. Billions! Trillions! And my first 4 followers, you will be my diehards. You can claim to be here before I was huge. You were here at the very beginning.
Ooh! We have to come up with a name for you! There are Phish Heads for Phish, Dead Heads for that other band... Maybe you can be my Whatev Heads! It's got a certain ring to it, don't you think? Of course you do! Since I'm still going with this whole make believe two way conversation bit, then I believe you really do like Whatev Heads. I'll work on getting some stickers made up. They'll be worth millions after I'm dead. Billions! Trillions!
Ok. I have to end this somewhere. I can't very well write a book for each blog. Nobody wants to read a blog that goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on! Except, if you're still reading this, then you just did. Gotcha again! And if you're no longer reading this then you'll never know I made the claim! (Btw, doesn't all those on and on's look funny? And, did you say it out loud? Do it. I dare you. In a crowded elevator. Step into the elevator saying on and on and on over and over as you push the floor button and patiently wait for your floor. Keep it going the whole ride! It'll be great! And for added fun, make lots of eye contact! Let me know how it goes! I'm giggling right now just picturing it! Hee hee!)
Until next time...
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