Every year, I seem to have another birthday. Doesn't matter that we are only born once. For some reason, it's tradition to remind each other, every year, of the fact that we were born that one time. Something that, in all actuality, we had very little to do with. It was going to happen whether we had a choice in the matter or not (which we didn't). But I thank all who sent me heartfelt (and/or mindlessly mechanical) birthday wishes anyway. Without you all, this annual exercise in egotism wouldn't exist. Though, now that I think about it, I suppose it could be a disguised congratulations for simply surviving another year. That might make more sense. "Happy Survival Day!" But I digress... Every year, I congratulate those who have given me the funniest, weirdest, noteworthiest, originalest birthday wishes. Do I do this because I'm narcissistic? Perhaps. Is it just a cry for attention? Likely. Is it a waste of time? Most definitely! Will I continue anyway? Yup. Will I ask and answer one more question? Evidently.
This year, I am encorporating the Annual Birthday Wish Awards into my blog, called Whatever This Is. I have more people that wish me a unique happy birthday in hopes of receiving one of these meaningless, yet prestigious, awards than I have readers of my blog. The move to merge the two together this year is undoubtedly (as in, zero doubt) a shameless attempt at garnering more fans for my blog. This, in turn, feeds my ego. See? Shameless. Enough of the formalities (is that what all that was?). Let's get right to it.
The winners of the 2022 Annual Birthday Wish Awards are:
Giovanna O. Dugan... for the trifecta of formality, a nipple-slip, and rock-n-roll/devil worship.
JL Ken... for reminding me that I was also very ugly in youth as well as present day.
Myranda Kennedy... for paying homage to the nickname from when I had only yet acknowledged 25 or so "Happy Survival" Days.
Jan Spooner... for the most musical emojis.
Michelle Bleau... for what appears to be a birthday pig with a flamethrower up its ass. Eh, why not?
Ron Nolland... for the fortune cookiest of birthday wishes.
Daphne Gricoski... for tear-soaked birthday cake (best cake flavor there is).
Darrin Matteson... for putting a little English on it.
Danielle Handly... for dispensing with silly tradition and just giving it to me straight.
Wakisha Trombley... for reminding me that cats can be assholes.
And lastly, but not leastly, *Trisha Blaise... for putting that crazy day and night in writing and on record, to refer to when I get old and senile (already happening). I love you, you'll always be my favorite!
*And, yes, for any who might be keeping track, Trish gets an award every single year. It is indeed favoritism, nepotism even. But, that's one of her very few perks of still being with me, so don't try taking that away from her. Life isn't always fair, people. Get used to that. If you didn't make it to the awards ceremony this year, chin up. There's going to be another in a few hundred days. That's how this works, folks. Try harder next time.
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