For some odd reason, right around the first week of March every year, I get all these happy birthday wishes. Don't they know I was born decades ago? My birthday was in 1977. A little late for "happy birthday" now. And honestly, my mom did all the work! All I did was cry. She did all the pushing and stuff. Wish her a happy... pushday.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all the love. It's just that the whole happy birthday thing is a little weird when you really think about it. Sure, I survived another year since the last barrage of happy birthdays, but every day is an anniversary of another year of continuing the ole' grind. What about last Tuesday? Where were my happy Tuesday wishes? No, don't start that. I take it back.
I guess what I'm trying to say is "thank you". What? You didn't get that from the last two paragraphs? You gotta read between the lines, my friends. It's in there. Big ole' thankee thankee! Don't worry, I'm often misunderstood.
I suppose that's enough preamble banter. Let's get on with it. I've got some special people to recognize! It's time for the 2024 Annual Birthday Wish Awards! For those of you who don't know what that is, it's my way of encouraging the most outstanding, strange, hyperbolic, bizarre, and bestest birthday wishes. It's my way of pitting friend against friend in a stiff competition of who gives the greatest birthday wish. Why? Because it's my birthday, and it's the only day I allow myself to get big-headed and power hungry. What power, you ask? Why, the power to award! And to those of you who forgot about this tradition until just now, better luck next year. Maybe you'll learn a lesson about what's really important in life. Lastly, to those of you who look forward to this every year, shame on you. Don't you have better things to do?
Now, without further ado (such a stupid word), welcome friends, welcome family, welcome one and all, to my 2024 Annual Birthday Wish Awards ceremonies!
First up, congratulations to Debbie Bombard for being the first to wish me a happy birthday! Her dedication of setting her alarm after last year's ceremonies to get up early for this one is top notch, and her efforts are rewarded with the "First In" award! Nicely done! You deserve a nap for your efforts.
This next award goes to Seth Bettinger. He got his birthday wish in just before the strike of midnight to earn the "Under the Wire" award. We are of the same ilk, he and I. There's nothing like the pressure of a deadline to get something done at the last possible moment. He got it done with only minutes to spare! Well played, sir.
This next award goes to Cory Dubrey for avoiding me all day so that he could tell me he would have given me a hug. The lengths he went to to keep up this sham...
I present to him the "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda" award.
To Mary Ann Castine Sorrell,
I present the "Over My Head" award for two reasons. One, I had no idea what 'You are always the target!' meant until a few minutes ago, so the joke clearly went over my head. And two, after I finally understood that she was referring to me repeatedly getting nearly hit in the head by volleyballs at Ayla's tournaments, well... "Over My Head" took on another meaning. So, actually, she receives two of these awards! This is a first! Well done, Mary Ann, well done!
Sarah Sturgis tried something a little different this year. Facebook doesn't allow much choice in font, so Sarah went in another direction.
Her use of ellipses holds a special place in my heart (see anything I've ever written). My one complaint is that it didn't all fit on one line. It made my OCD twitch a bit. That said, she still gets an A for effort, as well as the "Ellipses Before the Eclipse" award.
Jan Spooner sent a song and cake, hinting that the way I eat, I'll be covered in cake.
I'm actually not that fond of cake (don't kill me), but if I was, I think eating it with total abandon would be the best way to consume it. The "You Got a Little Something..." award goes to Uncle Jan.
This next one reminded me of one of those framed paintings from the 80's of cascading waterfall scenes that flowed and shimmered through some magic of electricity.
It brought me back to wood paneled walls and furniture sized television sets that sat on the floor. The "That Brought Me Back" award goes to Kerry LaBounty.
Wakisha Trombley also brought me back, this time to the 90's. She reminded me of my beautiful head of hair in high school.
It really was quite stunning! Soft, dark, wavy brown hair that flowed down all the way to my ass. It was nice to get a compliment 30 years later. She gets the "Brownie Points" award!
To Daphne Gricoski, for her 'Happy "butter your nose" day' wish. 10 points for originality.
I have no idea what it means, and I love it! Congratulations, I present the "Whatever the Hell That Was" award.
Denise Herman gave me a cartoon drawing of a baby in the womb who just wanted to stay in the womb. It appeals to my introverted self.
And to my dark humor self. Nicely done. The "Just Put Me Back" award goes to Denise.
Michelle Bleau, congrats.
Who doesn't love a dog with 3 gallon lips flapping in the wind? No one I know! "Face Parachute" award is bestowed upon her.
This next one is a combo award/apology. Every year, Joy Leanne steps up her birthday wish game. This year, a glitch in the Facebook system (or, let's face it, it's most likely mismanagement on my part) nearly prevented her from wishing me a happy birthday. But, unswerving in her dedication to tradition, she found a way.
The "Indefatigable" award goes to Joy. So stalwart was she, despite my neglect, that she truly deserves the top award. However...
...the world is not fair. The awards ceremony was rigged from the start. The top award, as always, goes to Trish Blaise. Call it nepotism, call it biased, call it what you will. Trish is presented with the "Bestest in the World" award.
The tremendous esteem I hold for this amazing human being, she will always get the top award. She is amazing at everything she puts her mind to. One couldn't ask for a better partner in life. Our kids got the bestest mom in the world. And the night of my birthday, she gave me a present that gives my body the tingles from my head to my toes: a gift certificate for a professional massage. (What did you think I was going to say? Get your mind out of the gutter!)
*the number of comments at the time of my screenshot was not lost on me
To everyone else, thank you so much for your birthday wishes. If you didn't receive an award this year, it's ok to cry. It's a big let-down. Tears are a normal part of the grieving process, let them flow. But don't worry, there's another one next year. All you gotta do is impress me or make me laugh. You've got another three hundred and some days to practice, so get crackin'. Good luck with the next one. Thank you everyone!
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