Here we are again. It's 2026, I'm 42 again, and we have yet another Annual Birthday Wish Awards ceremony! This marks the 7th year presenting these awards. I hope the recipients of these awards have as much fun receiving them as I have giving them out. The first award, appropriately, is going to the first person to wish me a happy birthday this year on Facebook. I present the First Wish Award. Joy wished me a happy birthday 3 days before my birthday! (And on her own  birthday,

I understand that this account may be largely... discounted. I'm actually fine with that. I know the truth of it, and the octopuses do too.

And now, here I was. With this impossible choice to make. Either way, it was the end for me.

YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF ALL OF THIS, SIZZLE, WELL-INTENTIONED OR NOT. IF NOT FOR YOU, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS PREDICAMENT...

So... you're saying the octopuses want to take over the planet? Bingo.