2026 Annual Birthday Wish Awards

Here we are again. It's 2026, I'm 42 again, and we have yet another Annual Birthday Wish Awards ceremony! This marks the 7th year presenting these awards. I hope the recipients of these awards have as much fun receiving them as I have giving them out.

The first award, appropriately, is going to the first person to wish me a happy birthday this year on Facebook. I present the First Wish Award. Joy wished me a happy birthday 3 days before my birthday! (And on her own birthday, no less!)

Now, some might argue that this is cheating. I would counter that this whole Annual Birthday Wish Awards sham doesn't really have rules to begin with. They are simply awards for people who like to stand out from the crowd. Joy does that splendidly, and consistently.

I applaud your efforts and ingenuity, Joy! Thank you, and congratulations once again!

Next up, we have the Octo-Award! Kerry knows I love octopuses, and she has delivered again this year.

She and Joy are apparently in competition with each other, but there is certainly space for both in this ridiculous charade of mine! They both win!

*Note: I can only assume this image was AI-generated, as I have yet to have any octopuses ever actually show up to one of my birthday parties, and, conversely, I've never been invited to one of theirs. Hence, this could only be AI (that, and the fact that one of the octos has two pupils in one eye is also a bit of a giveaway).

David provided a gif from a funny video of a kid who aggressively celebrates every new year. A great reuse of that old video, and it made me smile! I think we'll call this the Aggressive Happy Birthday Wish Award.

Want to see the video?

https://youtu.be/6ML7B1bFLko?si=_3zOVVDOyh695Vzj

Sarah got meta with her birthday wish, and I'm always down for that! Here's the Meta Birthday Wish Award!

As Sarah pointed out in the last award, I'm not doing anything to deserve these well wishes (Ok, maybe that's not exactly what she was saying. I tend to put meaning to things that don't really have that meaning). I was born on a certain calendar day, and every year, on that same day, I'm supposed to be something special? My mom did all the work back in 1977. Perhaps all my birthday wishes should actually go to her every year. But, of course, then she'd have to start giving out these annual awards, and I'm not sure she'd be up for that.

That said, here's the You Actually Did All the Hard Work Award, presented to my mom. Love you mom! Thanks for giving me a birthday!

This next award provided me with a conundrum. The Most Emojis Award was split between two contestants this year. While Moná had more variety with her emojis, Crystal was forced to babysit me as a small child. I'm sure I put her through some interesting times, so she probably deserves a little slack for a couple of repeat emojis. Therefore, I declare two deserving recipients for the Most Emojis Award this year!

Lastly, my wife. Trish always delivers. Not only did she deliver two wonderful human beings into this world, each now with their own annual birthdays, but she also delivers with her Facebook birthday wish message. She delivers every day, in fact, with everything that she does. And no silly Birthday Wish Award can ever thank her enough for everything she does for me and everyone else in her life. When it comes to birthday wishes, Trish takes the cake, and the Best Wish Award.

Another fine selection of well-wishers this year. Some are back for their second, third, or even xxxx time. These folks have shown consistent effort, and deserve our admiration and praise. And we're seeing some new faces this year as well. You sit amongst fine company indeed. Welcome, and I hope to see you again next year. Thank you all, even the ones who didn't bother with a birthday wish.

Which brings me to an aside. I have a confession to make. The people receiving awards this year are likely aware of this secret. Some of you others as well, perhaps. I... I don't wish people happy birthday, myself. It's certainly not because I don't like people. It's just that... well, I don't say "happy birthday", and I don't say "bless you" when someone sneezes. Idon't know why, but it makes me uncomfortable to say it. And I'm not sure why I mention them together, as if they are somehow related. They aren't, as far as I can tell. But I felt it needed to be confessed as well. Maybe I could start saying "bless you" on people's birthdays, and "happy birthday" when they sneeze. That could be fun for me and a select few people in on the joke. But probably just confusing for most people.

...which brings me to my next aside. What is all of this? What am I even doing? Is everything a joke? Not likely, because most of the time, it's not something people laugh at. Sometimes it's just odd, unexpected, and illogical. Which can be entertaining in its own way, I suppose. Is that what I'm doing, then? Entertaining? Is that why I do these birthday wish awards every year? To entertain? Do you feel entertained? Are these seemingly random asides at the end of the Annual Birthday Wish Awards entertaining? I mean, I guess it's nice to be recognized for things, even if they're as silly as as birthday wishes given on social media. But for anyone not receiving an award... is there anyone else even reading this? Have I chased away even those who were invested in the beginning? Are there people asleep in their recliners right now because this got so meta and boring that their brains just quit?

Alright. Another confession. Ready? A few years ago, maybe right before I started doing these Annual Birthday Wish Awards, I did a thing. An experiment. To see if people were paying attention. About 6 months after one of my birthdays, I switched my birth date on Facebook to whatever the next day was. A bunch of people, no questions asked, wished me a happy birthday. The same people who offered well-wishes on my real birthday six months prior. If anyone noticed, no one said a word. It amused me. Such power that I held! Some kids when asked what they're favorite superpower is will mention the ability to fly, or turn invisible, or shoot laser beams out of their eyes. Not me. Nope. My superpower turned out to be that I can make people wish me happy birthday twice in the same calendar year. Look out, Thanos! You've met your match!

Anyway... Congratulations to those who deserve it! Thank you for another wonderful year! Please don't be offended if I don't return a birthday wish again this year. It's nothing personal. I'm just socially awkward and demand avoidance is an oddity that can strike in strange ways. What can I say? You've always known I was a bit off.