There are times (far too many times) when I just don't have a clue. I get the look. Like I'm supposed to know something. Or I'm expected to do something. And I'm just standing there, absolutely perplexed.
"What? What do you want? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Did you call them?
"Call who?"
The look intensifies, and is now accompanied with a heavy dose of annoyance.
"Your mom and your dad."
Now my own look of confusion intensifies.
"About what?"
Disbelief is added to the ensemble, signaled by one extremely raised eyebrow. Strangely, it doesn't interfere with the effectiveness of the scowl in any way. How can one have the scrunched, downturned eyebrows of a good scowl, while simultaneously lifting an eyebrow with incredulity? Medals could be won with a scowl like that. It takes skill of a sort that only comes with much practice. It's a scowl that I am quite familiar with.
"To wish them a Merry Christmas, maybe?"
"Oh, yeah! ...I was gonna do that. Got distracted."
I don't usually forget the cliché stuff like anniversaries and such. That's what the calendar reminders on my phone are for. I just forget to respond accordingly sometimes.
But I do forget stupid little stuff regularly. Stuff that I've done a million times. Like how to make pancakes. I still have to look at the back of the Bizkwiq box for the measurements. I've made pancakes so many times that IHOP sent me a cease and desist letter. I have it in a frame on my kitchen wall. Next to my signed Andy Warhol print of a slice of bacon.
I certainly forget some big stuff too, though. Like my mom's middle name. I guess that's not huge, really. But it's something I shouldn't have to think about for a minute, scrunching up my face and staring at the ceiling.
And my age. I know people joke about this, but I seriously do have to do the math. I pretend like I'm just 42 now, and will remain so indefinitely (no math needed). But officially, I was born in '77, so that's, let's see... 23 years till 2000, it's 2021 now, and I've had my birthday this year, so I guess that makes me 44, then. Sheesh! But I'm still 42, so... suck on a blistered goat's foot if you don't like it.
It's the immediate stuff that scares me a little. Someone could say something to me, then 5 minutes later it's like it never happened. It's not even just forgetting a detail or two. As far as my brain knows, we never talked about that. At all. Doesn't even ring a bell. That conversation never occurred. Unfortunately for me, everyone around me seems to disagree. I'm living in a completely different world.
Hence, the look.
But I do have a theory which would exonerate me. Ready to hear me out? What am I saying? If you've gotten this far, you're in it for the long haul (thanks, by the way!).
Ok, here goes: I am in a different world.
Remember my experience with déjà vu at the store? When I came out the other side of it, I was wearing different clothes. I didn't just mistakenly believe I was wearing a different shirt when I walked into the store than when I walked out. I was wearing a different shirt.
I know, I know. "Jamie, you just have a shitty memory." Yeah, you might be right. But... I might be crossing dimensions.
When I experience déjà vu, which is quite frequently, I cross into a different parallel dimension. One that looks almost identical to the previous one. Except that I might be wearing a different shirt, or you didn't say that thing you think I forgot you said. Or, rather, you did, but your other you didn't. The you I was with moments before said something else, or maybe nothing at all. This you, the you I just now met, said whatever you said before I got here. Before I traveled to this universe. So I missed it. Sorry.
But do I get a "Welcome to Your New Universe"? No. I get the look. It's ok though. It's not your fault. You didn't know I just came from an alternate dimension. I didn't tell you. I'm only just discovering this myself. I'm still learning how it all works. Funny, I've been doing it for years, but I didn't know the full depth of what I was accomplishing. Interdimensional travel! Crazy, huh?
Of course, that's probably exactly what you're thinking right now. That I'm crazy. Well, you might be onto something. But I definitely think I'm also someone who is able to jump to different dimensions. I can be both things. Very likely, I'd have to be both. That's alright. Keeps it interesting. Never a dull moment.
So, if you know me, and you've ever given me the look, I ask that you consider the possibility that I may have just arrived, and it'll take me a minute to catch up. Please be patient with me, as I may be a little disoriented. Whatever the interdimensional equivalent is to jet lag. I'll adjust in a bit. Mostly.
I suppose now I'm going to have to learn how to do this properly. Or maybe get some new meds...
(Or both.)
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