Long Distance Phone Call

Crap. How are we supposed to convince Supreme and the Sages to knock it off if we can't contact them now? How did you do it last time? Octomus Prime did it. He formed... I think he called it a nexus or something. Ah... your friend, Prime... Well, I thought he was my friend... You can't trust an octopus. They're always fully armed. ... ... ... Yeah, even I admit that one was pretty bad. Anyway, he was the one who made it possible to talk to the Sages. He had some microchips or something in his arms to talk long distances. Hmmm... so if we found an octopus and yanked off an arm, maybe we could use it to- Whoa! What the hell are you talking about?! Yanking off arms?! Seriously?! Oh, I'm sorry. I thought they were trying to wipe our species off the face of the planet. Please forgive me... Yeah, I get it. They're bad. Some humans are bad too! But not all of us! I'm sure there are more octopuses out in the ocean that don't even know we exist than there are that want to take over the world. I mean, there are billions of humans who have no desire to do anything but raise their families and make a living. I'm sure that most octopuses feel the same way! Maybe. We're not ripping arms off of octopuses. Have it your way. I will, thank you. So what is your suggestion then? Well, he got me there once, maybe I can reach out and find the Sages myself this time. Go for it. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what it felt like when Prime created the nexus. I searched the blindness behind my eyelids. Nothing happened for a few minutes. And then... more nothing happened. I was beginning to feel like this was all pretty stupid when I noticed that the darkness was slowly brightening. I began to see blobs of red, white, and yellow forming and dissolving into the former field of nothingness. It was kind of like having my own personal organic lava lamp, inside my head. The shapes were in constant flux. I could discern no pattern among it all. Slowly, though, I began to recognize that the blobs were forming outside my field of "vision", encompassing everything. They would shrink and fall away towards the center, almost like I was slowly moving backwards through the shapes. I was in a strange version of a sci-fi space hyperdrive, moving slowly in reverse, and with blobs instead of stars. While I felt this was an interesting discovery, it didn't seem to be getting me anywhere near solving my problem of how to form my own nexus. It all began to feel like a hopeless waste of time. And that's when I heard a faint, but familiar, voice. JAMIE BLAISE? IS THAT YOU THAT I SENSE IN MY MIND? Octomus Prime got clearer and louder with every word. Like I was fine-tuning the frequency we were using. Octomus-, er, sorry. Ionassis. Hey, yeah, it's me. INCREDIBLE! He was coming in nice and clear now. HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO SEND TO ME? ARE YOU ON A SHIP AT SEA? No, I haven't gone anywhere. Except to the aquarium, where you apparently no longer reside. AH, YES. I WAS CALLED BACK TO TURN IN MY RESEARCH. Yeah, I bet you were... Let me handle this. JAMIE BLAISE? WHO WAS THAT? ASTONISHING! IS THERE ANOTH- Never mind who- I said let me handle this! Sorry, Ionassis. I'm honestly not sure how I'm talking with you right now, let alone how he was able to come along with me. He is the other voice I hear in my head besides yours. But listen, we know about the Sages' plan to wipe out everything that lives on land. We are going to talk some sense into them. Don't try to stop us. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. You don't need to under- I said I got this! I don't know exactly how I got ahold of you, but I need you to nexus me with the Sages again. YOU ARE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE, JAMIE BLAISE. WHY WOULD THE SAGES WANT TO WIPE OUT EVERYTHING THAT LIVES ON LAND? We know all about your evil plan, and you're not getting away with it! At this point, I was pretty frustrated with him. In my anger, I "shoved" him. I don't know how else to put it. In my mind, I gave him a good, hard shove. And then he was silent. Not gone, exactly, but quiet. I could still feel his presence, somewhere in the background. But far enough away that he couldn't keep interrupting. I said I will handle this, and I meant it! Ionassis, I need to know where you stand in all this. I AM HONESTLY QUITE CONFUSED BY WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT THE SAGES. THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS PLEASANT, I WILL ADMIT, BUT PLOTTING TO DESTROY ALL LAND LIFE? WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO DO THIS? Full disclosure, humans have not exactly been kind to your race. Many even eat octopus. Humans are selfish, as a whole. At least the ones in power are, anyway. And they aren't exactly kind to anyone who they feel is below them in the food chain, which is everything else on the planet. Even I, myself, don't like the human race sometimes. We are not, on the whole, treating this planet very nicely either. We've been trashing it long before the Sages began their campaign for global warming. I can only imagine they see us as a threat, or at the very least, an incredible nuisance. As a species, we do kind of suck. But, that being said, I am human. I want to live. Preferably in harmony with the other inhabitants of this planet. The Sages have been getting in the heads of humans in power and influencing their decisions that affect the planet. Largely actions that encourage global climate change. So that, ultimately, we melt the polar ice caps and cause the oceans to rise up and swallow all the land masses of the world. They have, I must admit rather ingeniously, convinced us to do all the heavy lifting and obliterate ourselves for them. But I intend to do whatever I can to stop all this nonsense with destroying the earth. From both sides. I SEE. THIS IS VERY DISTRESSING, I MUST ADMIT, I WAS NOT FULLY IN TOUCH WITH WORLD EVENTS WHILE I WAS GONE FOR MY RESEARCH. IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE, THEN THE SAGES MUST BE CONFRONTED. THERE MUST BE PEACE BETWEEN OUR SPECIES. Exactly! I'm glad that you feel that way. I could feel the voice struggling against whatever it was I was doing to keep him at bay. I still didn't even know what it was I did, or how I did it. But so far, it was holding. I need another nexus, Octomus. I need to speak with Supreme and the others. Can you help me? I WILL DO THIS, JAMIE BLAISE. And... Ionassis? YES? Can you call me Sizzle? SIZZLE? Yeah, it's my new superhero name. If I'm going to have super telepathic powers, shouldn't I have a cool name for the Daily Bugle's headlines? That reminds me... I need to make a superhero costume. No tights and cape though. Gross. Any suggestions? TOO BAD YOU CAN NOT CHANGE YOUR COLORS AT WILL LIKE WE CAN. YOU COULD SWITCH OVER TO YOUR COSTUME IN SECONDS. Yeah, that would be pretty awesome... IF I AM TO CALL YOU SIZZLE, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO CONTINUE CALLING ME OCTOMUS PRIME. I DO NOT CARE IF THIS OFFENDS SUPREME. I HAVE GROWN RATHER FOND OF THE NAME. You got it, Octomus Prime. Now, let's get to that nexus. I MUST WARN YOU, THE SAGES HAVE BEEN IN A FOUL MOOD SINCE YOU LAST SPOKE TO THEM. AND, IF I AM TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, THEY ARE NOT HAPPY WITH ME RIGHT NOW, EITHER. WHEN I HELPED YOU ESCAPE HIS MINDBLITZ... WELL, LET ME JUST SAY THERE IS A REASON I AM NO LONGER DOING RESEARCH AT THE AQUARIUM. I AM CURRENTLY EN ROUTE TO STAND TRIAL, IN FACT, FOR MY CRIME OF TREASON. What?! Why would you go? Run away! Or why couldn't you just have remained at the aquarium? UNFORTUNATELY, IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE. MY FAMILY IS ALSO ON TRIAL BECAUSE OF MY ACTIONS. IF I DO NOT RETURN... IT WOULD NOT BODE WELL FOR THEM. Wow. They really are bastards! IT HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS. MANY THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE SUPREME BECAME LEADER. THAT IS ONE REASON WHY I CHOSE TO WORK OUT IN THE FIELD. I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD EVER GET THIS BAD THOUGH. Ok then. Mission update: save the world, and Prime's family. MY FAMILY ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, JAMIE BLAISE. Well, the entire planet wasn't exactly my responsibility before either. As Uncle Ben always says, with great power comes great responsibility, am I right? WHO IS UNCLE BEN? Never mind. Point is, I don't know if anyone else can do anything about this. So I guess I have to. YOU ARE A REMARKABLE HUMAN BEING, JAMIE BLAISE. TELEPATHIC POWERS NOTWITHSTANDING, I HAVE NEVER MET ANOTHER QUITE LIKE YOU. Notwithstanding? IT MEANS- I know what it means, it's just that I don't think I've ever actually heard anyone say it out loud before, like use it in real speech. PERHAPS YOU HAVE NEVER MET ANYONE QUITE AS SOPHISTICATED AS I. Perhaps you're right. I could feel the voice struggling to come forward, like an eager child in the classroom with hand raised, butt cheeks barely in contact with his seat, whining with anticipation at being picked to answer the next math question at the chalkboard. I hesitatingly let him come forward. Behave yourself... Sure, whatever. But as soon as you two are done making out, do you think we could get a move on? Alright. Yeah, let's do this! Are you ready, Prime? I AM READY. I WILL SET UP THE NEXUS. We all collectively took a deep breath in preparation for the showdown, and I heard the static of the nexus as someone "picked up" on the other end of the line. Attention octopuses! I will speak with the Sages. A voice answered in the distance. AND WHO IS THIS TO BE MAKING DEMANDS OF THE SAGES? I am known as Sizzle- There was a muffled snort that seemed to come from somewhere behind me. And I am here because you have a lot to answer for...