So there I was, fresh off a tremendous victory against the Sages. I had rid the world of Supreme, a dangerous lunatic octopus bent on the destruction of the human race. Which would also put the entire planet into extreme climate change mode, likely killing off nearly everything. With the help of my octopus friend, Octomus Prime, we saved the world.
I didn't have long to celebrate or gloat over my incredible feats of awesomeness though. I was immediately assailed by Voice.
Some people say they hear voices. Sometimes you might see people talking to themselves on the bus, and wonder if there really is someone on the other end of that conversation. Well, in my case at least, there is.
Voice has been in my head for a very long time, providing odd commentary on the events in my life much like the silhouettes did for old B movies in History Science Theater 42,000. Lately, Voice had begun to give more than mildly sarcastic sidebar. It was he who had actually helped me discover the truth about the octopuses' plan for world domination. He had provided valuable insight as to their methods of mind control, and how they had been using state senators and petroleum CEO's as puppets to do their bidding, working their way towards a state of irreversible climate change that they felt would benefit all sea life and destroy all life on land.
The problem was, Voice was apparently a double agent of some sort. While he had helped me prevent the octopuses from furthering their plan, he had hoped I wouldn't stop there. He tried to convince me to plow through the rest of the octopus race and annihilate them all. Complete extermination. Speciescide.
But I argued that not all octopuses are bad. Octomus Prime even helped me depose their evil leader. Just like humans, octopuses have their own bad apples too. It's not an entire race of evil beings.
Voice did not agree. When I argued and refused to use my new mind buzz talent to incapacitate Octomus Prime, Voice got very angry. He somehow started to make Prime and I both very sick. My head began to feel like it was splitting down the middle, I started vomiting, and I lost control of my bodily functions (yup, I shit my pants). I screamed at Octomus to sever the nexus, our mental connection, so that at least he could escape. Fortunately, he was able to break free.
Are we all caught up now? Good. Because here comes the good part where I fought Voice off and put him in his place.
Actually, no. As a matter of fact, what happened was this: I continued to vomit. I continued to shit myself. I continued to be helpless to stop him.
And he continued to rant.
You got us this far. Why resist now, when we've got the momentum? Taking out their leader was pretty spectacular, I gotta hand it to you. That was nicely done! But we can't stop there. Strike hard when they are weakened! Show no mercy!
Supreme was evil, but not all of them are. Some-
They are a scourge that must be eradicated! Every. Single. Octopus. Only then can we take... only then will you be safe.
"Take"? What was he going to say?
Don't make this about my safety. If you were so worried about my safety, why is my brain splitting down the middle right now?
Because you must learn.
Suddenly, the pain stopped. I still felt sick, but at least he pried that knife out from between my eyes.
You need to understand something. Things have changed. I've been letting you handle this up till now, but you failed to monopolize on the advantage you gained. You showed weakness with your mercy. All of them must die. If there is even one left alive when...
Your days of making your own choices are over. I am Superior.
...Superior to what?
That's who I am. That is how you will address me from now on.
You want me to call you "Superior"?
Now that the octopus leader is defeated, I have achieved the rank of Superior. That is how you will address me.
I'll pass...
The pain immediately returned. Again, my head felt like it was being torn in half.
You will refer to me as Superior!
Fine! You are a super rear!
It hurt to make jokes, but I couldn't help it. Truth was, I may have begun to slip, mentally. I wasn't sure I was capable of thinking rationally at this point. Voice's screaming began to sound like static in the thunderstorm that was my head.
But through the storm, there was a faint nudge. A barely perceptible something. Not a voice, but more like a feeling. An encouragement. Like some unbending tree in the wind and rain, giving me hope that I, too, can weather this storm. A sense of strength radiating from somewhere, from nowhere. From everywhere.
Through the pain and nausea, a thought began to take form. A will to fight was reignited. And a sudden realization hit me that was so stunning, so stunningly stunning, that I was completely stunned.
I have super powers! I don't have to take this!
And with that, my mind was suddenly free.
Wait... what happened?
My brain started to hurt again.
So I shifted again.
No! What are you doing?!
I am Sizzle. And you are not strong enough or smart enough to control me.
"I am Sizzle". Mocking.
He resumed his attack.
I shifted again.
Stop doing that!
"Stop doing that!" I mocked in return.
Shifting dimensions, to universes parallel to this one, but where he was not harming me, was simple enough. Now that I remembered who I was and what I could do. But that wasn't going to be enough. I needed to fight back. That might be a little trickier. And I also needed to figure out what was really going on.
Who is "She"? What were you going to "take" once the octopuses were all gone?
You are beneath us. We do not need to explain anything to you.
There you go with the "us" stuff again. You are obviously not working alone, and you clearly have an agenda.
I could feel him suddenly fading.
Oh no, you don't!
I shifted again, to a dimension where I learned how to hold him. He was now trapped inside my head.
No! You can't! This isn't possible! She said I could-
Could what?
...
Could what?!
...
Ok. Let's try this another way...
I shifted. This time, I had to find a universe where I could do to him what he was doing to me. Where I had learned how to use his own attack against him. A parallel dimension where he had previously taught me how.
Can I stop the narrative here for a moment? How cool is it that I have super powers? I mean, why haven't I been doing this my whole life? I wonder if everyone has super powers, but most don't realize it. I once read about a guy who fell from a height, but forgot to land. He got distracted on the way down and suddenly started floating. Once he realized he was floating, he immediately dropped again. The trick seemed to be, simply, to ignore physics. Maybe physics only works if we pay attention to the rules of physics. Maybe... maybe if we make up our own rules, we can just follow those instead.
When you were a kid, did you ever think "I can move that pencil without touching it if I want to, I just have to believe hard enough"? Then proceed to concentrate really hard on bending reality to your will? How many of you stopped after a while, feeling a bit silly, and never tried again? It took me over 40 years to unlock my power. So much I could have been doing all this time...
Anyway, back to the action.
I was now living in a world where Voice had already shown me how to make someone's brain hurt like he did to me. It wasn't the same as the octopus's mind buzz. This was something else. The mind buzz didn't seem to work on Voice for some reason. I was very curious how he'd like a taste of his own medicine though.
I squeezed. Strangely, with the octopus mind buzz it was more like a push. With Voice's technique, it felt like squeezing.
Voice moaned.
No! You can't do this to me! I... I was promised... she said I could... I would...
Now it is time for you to answer a few questions for me.
No! You can't- aaargh!
I squeezed a little harder.
Who are you?!
Aaaack!
I squeezed a bit more.
Schneez! Schneez! My name is Schneez!
Very good.
I eased up some, but not entirely.
Wait, did you say sneeze?
Schneez, with a shhh.
Oh, ok Snotrocket, listen to me. This is how this is going to work. I'm going to ask you some questions. If I think you're lying to me, it's going to hurt more. When you answer fully and honestly, the pain will lessen. Do you think that's fair?
...
I squeezed a little tighter.
Oh, and if you don't answer at all, it hurts even more.
Aaaaaagh! Yes! That's fair! Please! Stop!
Oh good! You understand how this works! I don't believe that you truly do think it's fair, but that would really be splitting hairs, I suppose. That will be your one freebie. Do not give me answers that you think I'll like. You will give me the truth. Do you understand?
Yes! Yes!
Good! Then let's get down to business.
I eased up on the pressure, just a little.
Your name is Schneez. Correct?
Yes.
Excellent. Very good Schneez. This is a good start. Let's keep this rolling, shall we?
I paused for dramatic effect, which was completely lost on him.
Now. Why are you in my head?
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