I'm sitting in a folding camping chair right now on the beach, just out of reach of the waves. It's about 70°F, a mild breeze coming off...

Hey there. I know I haven't posted anything in a bit, I apologize. All half dozen of you who actually remember Whatever This Is exists...

Usually, I'm a sucker for cuddles. That being said, times like these, times like 3am, I forget for a moment what a precious thing they are.

Welcome back to the Annual Birthday Wish Awards! 2023 is not only the year I turn 42 again, but it's also the year that immediately...

Maybe that's what this is all about, at the core...

Each of these steps is crucial to my process, and each step gets me closer and closer to sleeping on the couch.

I died last night. It's a little fuzzy, trying to remember details. It's all slowly slipping away though, as everything else does for me.

I understand that this account may be largely... discounted. I'm actually fine with that. I know the truth of it, and the octopuses do too.

And now, here I was. With this impossible choice to make. Either way, it was the end for me.

YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF ALL OF THIS, SIZZLE, WELL-INTENTIONED OR NOT. IF NOT FOR YOU, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS PREDICAMENT...

10. I can finally fully compensate for my, er, small, er, well, you know... 9. Before now, my weekends had a severe lack of friends in...

I KNOW. THIS IS A LOT TO DIGEST IN ONE SITTING. BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW.      YOU ARE AWARE OF YOUR OWN INFINITE DIMENSIONS. YOU ARE...

THERE ARE SIGNS, IF YOU KNOW HOW TO SEE THEM, IN TIME ITSELF. TIME SEEMS TO FOLD IN ON ITSELF MORE AND MORE FREQUENTLY THE NEARER I GET...

My name is Schneez! Very good. Wait, did you say sneeze? No, Schneez, with a shhh. Oh, ok Snotrocket, this is how this is going to work...

I'm married to an incredibly capable woman who is a constant reminder of how malfunctioned I am. Without her, very little would get done.

I am here because you have a lot to answer for! Gather the Sages! YOU DO NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO- I know all about your devious plan!

Every year, I seem to have another birthday. Doesn't matter that we are only born once. For some reason, it's tradition to remind each other

Crap. How are we supposed to convince Supreme and the Sages to knock it off if we can't contact them now? How did you do it last time?...

So... you're saying the octopuses want to take over the planet? Bingo.

There was a kind of gurgling noise suddenly. Like a child blowing bubbles into their chocolate milk with a straw while humming. HEAR ME.